Today's Writing Woman: August 2011

Wednesday, August 31, 2011

Wordless Wednesday - 8/31/11

Pismo Beach Sunset - August, 2011

Photo by Edward Dusterhoft

This was my nightly view from my campsight. The Pacific Ocean was just on the other side of these trees...sigh...I want to go back.

Tuesday, August 30, 2011

First, I have been asked to perform my first product review! Second, the company that has asked me to perform the review inquired if I would like to host a FREE giveaway of their product. So...after evaluating all of the info presented to me, I am happy to announce my first ever product giveaway from My Memories Suite:

Please click here for all the details!

Thanks so much and I look forward to hearing from all of you!

Sunday, August 21, 2011

Silent Moments

Early morning sunrise,
at the quiet overlook.

Sunglasses cover my eyes,
in my lap sits my ol' sketch book.

The blank pages bring me torment,
this calm early hour.

But I rejoice in the silent moment,
and wish for inner power.

The beauty that I see,
is a wonder to behold.

At last the creativity in me
cannot be controlled.

The drawing muse takes over
and reflects on the page.

The vastness and moreover,
the wide open stage.

Silent moments brings inspiration,
with a calming serenity.

My drawn picture evokes the sensation,
that I found my true identity.

This post is written for The Writer's Post Blog Hop #10 - Silent Moments.

Growing Wild

There is nothing that brings me more joy than flowers. Some of my greatest memories are when I was younger and planting flowers around our family home every spring. I have numerous pictures somewhere of the home I lived in. I really need to find them (ahh...another winter project on the to do list!)

I think that if I wasn't in administration, I would have worked in a nursery. Now I just plant the flowers that I love!

Over the years, my husband and I have taken some fabulous photos of various flowers we've grown or in the wild. I hope you enjoy them!

***I have written this piece for a group on Facebook that I joined, GBE 2: Blog On. This is week #14 and the topic is GROWING WILD. Interested in more...click on the picture below to take you there.

Saturday, August 20, 2011

BFF 116 Back to School - Sorrow For What Will Never Be

As an adult, the words "Back to School" have always been difficult for me. For you see, I am not a mom, nor will I ever be one.

I was not able to have children due to complications that I have alluded to previously. This is by far, the most painful and biggest disappointment of my life.

Year after year, I have watched my friends and work acquaintances have children. I am a surrogate "Aunt" to some, and just a stranger on the outside looking in the window onto the loving families of others. But, alas, I have nothing in common with anyone...anymore. The older I get, the farther away I grow from everyone. They all are involved with their families and I am nothing to them. (Oh...this is such a bad thought to have...)

I think secretly I was glad I moved away. My intuition again telling me I probably wouldn't be able to handle dealing with the every day happiness of my friends and their families. Who was I anyway? Not a real member of their families...as I went home alone to my apartment most evenings; at least when I was still living back in Wisconsin.

But I moved out west, to start a new life. I tried for years for a child...and nothing. So I worked to build a career for myself and watched success be snatched away from me time and time again. I was stressed beyond belief and watched life pass me by until finally, I ran into a series of storms (See my post entitled "The Fork in the Road - My Own Turning Point in the Storm".)

So was it wise for me to move away? I don't know. Did I somehow feel comfortable being out of sight...out of mind. Sometimes...

Other times...I am so, so sad. I cry all the time.

I always thought I would be a mom, but now I am beginning to wonder if maybe this was the plan all along. Sometimes I see myself as less tolerant than when I was younger. I see parents whose children are wild and out of control. I see children who have no respect for their parents. But then again, I see my friends who have wonderful children and the closest of families.

But I still want my own child...and as I write this, I am weeping...uncontrollably.

"Back to School"...I feel great sorrow for what will never be...at least for me.

***I have written this piece for a group on Facebook that I have joined, BFF Blogging For Fun. Interested in more...click on the picture below to take you there.

So Many Words, So Little Time

So many words, so little time.

This is the story of my life lately. I have not neglected you, my friends. I am, however, staying very busy behind the scenes. What have I been up to? Hmmm....let's take a look shall we?

Working a day job that is becoming easier every day.

Reading...as much as I can and trying to keep up with my pace of a book a week.

Working on other writing projects that keep me from updating here.

That pretty much sums it up. I know it all sounds pretty weak when you look at it, but I will be back soon with some major updates. I promise! In the meantime, I must tell you that I am really excited as next week is a big week in our house. Anniversary on Monday and finally a vacation!!!

Yes, after 4 long years, we are finally taking a some time off and going to my favorite place. Needless to say, excitement is abound here!

I hope to do some writing while we are away. In the meantime, I wish you all happy writing!

Sunday, August 14, 2011

A Lesson In Trust

Last year I wrote an article for my writing gig at the examiner.com on this very topic. The article contained information on how a successful workplace foundation is built on four cornerstones – reliability, honesty, integrity and trust.

Since “Trust” is this week’s topic, I went back to read my article on the subject. When I finished, I realized that not only did this apply for businesses, but it most definitely applies to our own individual relationships.

In recent posts, I have alluded that the last several years of my life have not gone as I had planned. In the last several months, I have joined some really terrific writing groups. After reading many of the posts, I see that "life not going as planned" has been a reoccurring theme. So, I am not alone. But at the time when it all started happening for me, I did not know any of my fellow writers. I was at a loss and wondered how I was going to fix this colossal mess. Funny how that I had spent my entire career helping others fix their problems (isn't that what a good assistant does?), and now I did not know how I would fix mine.

I had placed my trust in many people who I thought I could rely on; people who "claimed" they needed me and it felt great. The more I was asked to help, the better I felt. My entire identity was wrapped up in this concept. I was offered all sorts of great things, if I would only do _______________ (fill in the blank here with whatever you like because I seemed to do it all). I was such an easy target, you could spot me from miles away. I was so busy helping others that I forgot to help the most important people: myself, my husband, my family. Everybody else in my life came first.

Then the hatchet came down.

I was no longer needed. "But what about…"

Well…in the beginning, let’s just say that I was not needed as much. Five days a week became four days. The first cut was due to economics. I understood that, but the systems I had personally created to make my job easier started to be taken over.

Four days a week became three days. I volunteered this time because I did not see any improvement in the economy. I was trying to be helpful and nice. What good was it going to do for me? I had just given up money that I desperately needed but gained extra time for my writing. However, after an eye-opening conversation shortly before my last birthday when I really found out how some really felt about me, I realized that I had placed my trust on all the wrong people. Instead of taking care of everyone, I should have been taking care of me. I could have kicked myself (and I did, over and over, for months.) FYI…last year was the worst birthday ever.

Sadly, it took three more months before the message finally sunk in.

I learned a valuable lesson. Trust is something that has to be earned. I don’t give it away so freely anymore. After this fiasco, I have given my trust to God. In turn, he allowed me to still trust a few others - my husband, my family and my dearest friends. These are the ones whom I should have trusted all along. Today, I send to each of you my sincerest thanks for putting up with me these last few years. I have made it through to the other side and am on my way up again. I am grateful for all of your patience and love, and most of all, your support. I have a plan now and I am working the plan.

To my new writing friends, I want to thank you for allowing me to join your fun writing groups. Here, I am learning to develop my writing skills and expand my creativity in this genre that has been lying dorment within me for a long time. It has truly been a pleasure reading your work and I hope you have found some inspiration in mine. For those of you who are reading this post and are going through a rough time, I want you to know that there is a light at the end of the tunnel and things will get better. It did for myself, because I finally placed trust on the right person… me.

***I have written this piece for a group on Facebook that I joined, GBE 2: Blog On. This is week #13 and the topic is TRUST. Interested in more...click on the picture below to take you there.

Saturday, August 13, 2011

BFF 114 Mirror Mirror

Mirror, oh mirror, whom do you see?
Surely not this person looking back at thee.

The sadness in her eyes, the gray in her hair,
made her look tired and left her soul bare.

Mirror, oh mirror, whom do you see?
Surely not this person looking back at thee.

With achy bones and a weary heart,
all she ever wanted was just a fresh start.

Mirror, oh mirror, whom do you see?
Surely not this person looking back at thee.

A free-spirited girl long left behind,
now stands a woman trying to bear in mind.

Mirror, on mirror, whom do you see?
Surely not this person looking back at thee.

That with every line on her face and pound that she gained,
She learned to be happy and never be restrained.

***I have written this piece for a group on Facebook that I have joined, BFF Blogging For Fun. Interested in more...click on the picture below to take you there.

1st Guest Post - Pavarti K.Tyler

It gives me great pleasure to announce my first guest post. Please enjoy "Schizophrenia and the Artistic Working Woman" by Pavarti K. Tyler on my "Guests & Friends" page. This is a wonderful post that I can relate to and I hope others will as well.

Pavarti is my first guest writer for Today's Working Woman and I hope to many more!

Thanks for stopping by!

Thank You and Yelp.com!

Hello followers of Today's Working Woman. I just wanted to take a moment to give a big shout of "THANKS" to all of you who are following me. I appreciate each and everyone one of you taking the time to visit my site. Be sure to watch for new features and posts in the coming months!

To start things out, I want to share my Yelp.com address so you all can see my reviews of local businesses.

Click on the link: http://todaysworkingwmn.yelp.com/ and that will take you right to my page.

Hope everyone is having a great weekend!

Friday, August 12, 2011

BFF 113 Dreams and Wishes – Sweet or Not?

It seems that is all I’ve been doing lately…dreaming and wishing…

Wishes

I have had numerous wishes over the years. As a child it was “I wish I could get that doll.” A little older, it was “I wish could get a camera or stereo or a television.” But I think that the wish I wanted most of all was “I wish I had some friends.” Ever since I was a child, I just wanted to be liked. I think I have spent the better part of my life doing whatever it took to make this wish happen. Who doesn’t want to be liked? I continue in this modus operandi for a long time. After the last implosion in my life, I finally came to the realization that I had wasted a lot of time for nothing. Some of the people that I had thought were my friends were not. They just used me until they were done with me. Depressed, I decided to give myself a little party. My own Pity Party, which lasted for approximately six months! (I deserved it, BTW.) Afterwards, I started to make a plan. Now, as part of that plan, my wishes are simple. Just a few, really dear and true friends, the love of my family and to be happy.

Oh…and a puppy!

Dreams

“I think I’ll place some Mugwort under my pillow tonight…dreams, I can go anywhere in my dreams.” – Cassandra Nightingale, The Good Witch’s Garden.

I don’t have a need for Mugwort, as I typically go to a lot of places in my dreams. I use them to solve my problems, escape my problems and to be someone else in another place and time. Some of my dreams are extensions of a movie I watched or a book I have read. Some are scary, others happy and some I revisit over and over again. I’ve realized this happens because I like the place where I was in my dream or I am trying to resolve something and the only way I can do that is in my dreams. I had a dream like this as a child that repeated multiple times, then all of a sudden, it stopped. Later, as an adult, I had that same dream, but only once. Hmmm…never quite figured out that one.

Dreams are very important to me. They provide valuable insight to where I am headed. I take them very seriously and listen to them when they heed a warning or guide me in another direction. Sometimes I don’t want to listen, and it might take a few of them to make me “wake up” as it were, but overall, I am grateful for their guidance and advice. This last year has been very difficult for me. I don’t know what I would have done, if it hadn’t been for my dreams (and the support of my wonderful husband, family and my true friends!). I’m happier than I have been in years. Yes, I guess that life is “sweet” now. Finally.

Sweet dreams,

Thursday, August 11, 2011

The Clan

It was almost time…

The Clan had been waiting for this moment. You could feel the electricity in the air…it was intense. They all had been waiting for a long while…except for…

Mike was confused. He woke up and found himself outside.

“Pssst.”

“Pssst...Barry!” whispered Mike with more urgency.

“What?”

“What’s going on? Why is everyone out?”

Barry sighed, “Were you asleep during the meeting or what? Chief said we all had to be gathered here by 2:07pm.”

“I don’t remember that…he said something about…ah…weather…um… waves…but I just thought it was the same old thing. You know, go underground and stay inside, blah, blah, blah,” said Mike.

“You are so unbelievable! You never pay attention at the Clan meetings. If you weren’t so busy trying to hook up with that shell over there you’d know what was going on,” hissed Barry.

“Well….,” said Mike dreamily.

“Pay attention!” Barry barked quietly so as not to disturb any of the clan. They were all waiting in silent reverie.

“What!”

“Take a look around…what do you see?”

Mike finally cleaned out the sand and looked around. “Whoa! Is that what I think it is? Dude, is that the nascent spray over there? Oh man!”

Barry couldn’t believe it. And this was his best friend. “Boy, I really need a new roommate,” he thought to himself. Somehow he knew that probably wasn’t going to happen. He was so sick of coming here. There was never anything to do except lay around and wait for someone to pick you up. Barry knew that this annual ritual of coming here for the summer was important to the clan. It was a sign of success when a clan member was picked up and taken away. As for Mike and Barry, well, they always end up going home… together. Damn.

The spray was coming in fast and furious and that only meant one thing. It was almost time…

The Clan was gathered.

They were all waiting.

Mike looked past the spray and saw it coming. He knew in an instant what he missed at the meeting. He looked over at Barry and started to shout, “We’re…..” and then it hit.

A loud booming crash…and then another one hit…then another.

Barry, Mike and what was left of the rest of the Clan were all heading out. The big waves hit the shoreline and off they went. They struggled together in the aggressive water when the Chief rolled past them and shouted, “Just roll with it!”

They were headed home. Summer vacation was over and it was time to go back. Everyone had to go to work tomorrow. Barry and Mike looked at each other and decided to follow the Chief’s advice. With any luck, and if they rolled fast enough, they’d be home by dinner.

Sunday, August 7, 2011

Picture Prompt: My Forever Love

Everyone thought it would never last. I’m sure some were actually betting on it. She’ll never stay with him. He’s not good enough for her. What is she thinking? She won’t leave. She’s too close with her family. What about her friends? She’s got a nice job.

Let’s address all these points, shall we?

Twenty-four years later…I think that answers the question about it not lasting.

The bets…well, I can’t be positive about that. But, I know people were talking. Frankly, the talk was more about me and what was going on in my head. At the time, it was all about breaking free so I could live life on my terms. If I had stayed, I would never have married. Moving away was the best decision I ever made.

I’ll never stay with him. I’m still here and very happy, thank you very much!
He’s not good enough for her…let me say this about that. Is there any man that is ever good enough for someone’s little girl. Please. If I had any inclination that my choice was not good enough, believe me, I would have shown him the door a long time ago.

What is she thinking? What am I thinking?!?!?! You’re kidding me, right? I’ll tell you what I was thinking. I was thinking that someone actually was interested in me and wanted me for his wife. I thought I would ever get married. I thought I would be a lonely old spinster with cats. I’d be the neighborhood Cat Lady. Thank goodness that didn’t happen!

She won’t leave. Sorry…I left! It was bittersweet, but I left.

She’s too close to her family. Yes, I am close with my family. But that doesn’t mean that I can’t have my own life. I love my family, but I knew that I would never be happy if I had stayed. I wanted a life and I got one…on my own terms, not someone else’s.

She’s got a nice job. Yes, it was a nice job, but it wasn’t the job. In fact, I’ve had many jobs since then and none have been the job. But I have a plan and I am working the plan. I am writing and I am happy. What could be better than that?

So do I get the last laugh? Probably. But there are so many other factors that have gone into making this happen. I call them the “What If’s”, the choices that I made to get to this point. I’ve learned so much along the way and don’t have any regrets.

Going forward I know what I want to do and I am so lucky that I have the most supportive man in my life. He is truly the best thing that ever happened to me. He is my Forever Love. This month is our anniversary (together for 24 years and married for 19 of those years!) and we will be spending it and my birthday in one of my favorite places, Pismo Beach.

***I have written this piece for a group on Facebook that I recently joined, GBE 2: Blog On. Interested in more...click on the picture below to take you there.

Saturday, August 6, 2011

The Seven Wonders of Susan

When I first read what this week’s topic was, I immediately said to myself, “Well, this should be easy!” I sat down at my laptop, turned it on and then…nothing. For the first time in a long while, the words did not automatically flow out of my head, through my fingers and onto the screen. Why was it so difficult to ask the question, “Who am I?”

After pondering it for awhile, I had a startling revelation. “I am a complex person.” Well this was a real pickle! What am I going to do now? How can I possibly sum myself up in seven points! So I put the computer away and went to bed. I was awake off and on most of the night. But, by morning, I had worked out pretty much what I wanted to share with everyone. So…without further ado…

The Seven Wonders of Susan

I love flowers...in the ground, in a pot or in a vase. I don’t like them on the wall or on my furniture! Some of the greatest memories of my childhood were the yearly planting of flowers around the family homestead. My mom was very fond of geraniums. We’d plant them in the flower bed near the front porch every year. Always the same color, red, to match the color on the back wall of the porch. My love of flowers comes from those terrific memories. You’re probably wondering why I don’t like floral patterns on the wall or furniture. When I first moved out of the house, my parents gave me their old couch from the living room. It was practically brand new because no one ever sat on it. The fabric was this white and gold brocade floral pattern. At the time, it was very fashionable. I had that couch for years until it finally wore out. After that, I vowed that I would never again own a piece of furniture that had a floral pattern on it. As far as flowers on the wall…well that aversion comes from the family bathroom. My mom decorated it in a country floral pattern, complete with dried flower decorations everywhere and the lovely flowers on the wallpaper. I am a little embarrassed to admit that I used to love the whole country, floral thing. Today, my style is a bit more like beach meets the great outdoors. Someday, I will show you some photos so you’ll know what I am talking about. In the meantime, here's a photo that I took while on a drive early Sunday morning:

I love the colors of the Caribbean. For as long as I could remember, color has been an integral part of my life. My room as a child was pink, then a soft green. In college, I wanted the same color green, but my dad brought the wrong color and it was a bright green. Brighter than you could possibly imagine. Almost fluorescent…and I had that same room all four years of college! Today, I love the green and blue shades commonly found on various tropical islands. I find these colors soothing and calming. I try to use these colors in my home whenever possible. Since I live in California now, I am able to pair these colors with the neutral colors of the beach. It works very well for our lifestyle as we our outdoor people. Below is one of my favorite photos that shows the colors of the crystal blue waters that I love so much:

I love the arts…music, movies, theatre, books, and television. These were my friends and I found solace in them. They spoke to me in ways that no real person ever could. I’ve always said that “Music is my life”, and without a doubt that still holds true. Wherever I am in life, music has been there to lift me up and keep me going. For me to love something musically, it has to speak to me in my heart and in my soul. Therefore, I have such an eclectic taste in music, from Gloria Estefan to Frank Sinatra, Colbie Caillat to Chris Botti and everything else in between. I even like some of Katy Perry’s and Theory of a Deadman’s tunes. For me movies and theatre need to feed my need to escape reality, if only for just awhile. I need to find a connection that will take me away and let me forget. When I am able to see myself step inside and become a part of either, then I know the actors, directors and producers have done their job. When it comes to books, I have a voracious appetite. I read to feed my soul. I read to escape. I read for knowledge because to me, knowledge is power. As for television, I am looking for visual stimulation that ignites the various passions in my life. Therefore, no regular TV for me (except for The Big Bang Theory, which makes me laugh uncontrollably!) Normally, I watch The Food Network, TLC, A&E, Hallmark Channel and HGTV. My husband says that I am totally predictable when it comes to television. However, I have been throwing him for a loop lately. Why? Because he knows I hate science fiction anything and I’ve been watching two shows on the SyFy Channel that I actually like – Eureka and Warehouse 13. Watch them and let me know what you think?

I love Christmas! Hands down, this is my favorite holiday and the one I feel really defines me. All year long I am watching holiday movies to keep me in the mood. It helps to remind me why the season is so special. Because we were given THE gift so freely, it’s important for me to do the same. Known by a few as “Secret Santa” or the “Christmas Elf”, it brings joy to my heart when I give unselfishly to someone who is not expecting anything. As for me, I love nothing better than sitting back, relaxing with a cup of cocoa and watching my favorite Christmas movie. I have over 30 now.

When there is too much clutter in my life, I get claustrophobic. When I am talking clutter, I don’t mean just stuff around the house either. I am talking mental, physical and emotional clutter. When this happens, I do a major housecleaning and it is the most cathartic feeling ever. There is nothing like a clean sweep of your personal space. Throwing out the old to make way for the new. Sometimes the process is difficult, almost painful. When it’s done, the sense of relief and freedom is uplifting. I marvel to myself how much “garbage” I am tossing away. Where does it all come from? It can’t possible fit in this tiny box that I call my life, but the truth is that I have been hoarding it away for years. I continually put it into the tiniest corners I could find until it bursted out and tumbled down into one big heaping pile of “crap”. Fortunately, I have a really big shovel and I am not afraid to use it. And that goes for the stuff around the house too!

I am the master of my own destiny. As such, I have had the incredible opportunity to take myself to a number of places. As a child, I traveled east of the Mississippi River. As an adult, I have traveled west. I have lived in three states and hope to add a few more to the roster. I’ve vacationed in Florida, Tennessee, Georgia, Pennsylvania, Michigan, Indiana, and Iowa. I’ve been to Wyoming, Montana & Idaho (a la Yellowstone National Park and the Grand Tetons). I’ve stood at the Four Corners, where Colorado, Arizona, New Mexico and Utah meet. I’ve fished in Oregon and traveled up and down the coast of California. My favorite place is Pismo Beach, but Kauai is a close second. I loved the Bahamas and the clear crystal blue waters. I want and am planning to go to England, Scotland and Australia. Any place I can’t get to, well thank goodness for the internet and the library. And all this is just the travel part of my “destiny”…the rest of it is just getting started!
I am the “Queen of My Own Life”, and without a doubt this thought is the inspiration that has changed my life for the better. Check out http://www.queenofyourownlife.com/ for yourself and you’ll see why.

Thank you for allowing me to share a little bit of myself with all of you. There is so much more, but I think these Seven Wonders are a good start.

Friday, August 5, 2011

My First Professional Book Review

It is with great pleasure that I present my very first professional book review to everyone here. I am very excited to share it and hope this is the beginning of something new for myself. The book is entitled "That Day In September" and was officially posted today, August 5, 2011 on the Internet Review of Books website.

Wednesday, August 3, 2011

Living By My Instincts

How fitting that this week's writing challenge is about the single word "instinct". Just for fun, I looked it up in the dictionary and one of the definitions included the following:

• A natural aptitude or gift.

Yes, this was definitely fitting.

In my adult life, I have often relied on my instinct, when it comes to decision making or doing anything in general. Privately I referred to it as my inner guide; this magical part of myself that was leading me through life. At times it has manifested itself in some very chilling and eye-opening ways. However, my instinct was not always there. As a child, I was unsure if my instinct even existed. For a time, I thought it was dead. I lived a sheltered and protected life. I longed for the freedom to make my own decisions and to do what I wanted. But I understood why, so I learned to work within the limitations I had and cultivated other areas of my life. Little did I know I was actually helping my instinct by secretly feeding it the information it would need for later.

Just before I entered the fifth grade, my life changed dramatically. Clearly, up until this point, my instinct had been very quiet. But now, it was ready to start talking to me. It was during this year that I left my childhood forever and became an adult, not by choice, but by circumstances beyond my control. Rather than go into graphic details, I will only say this: I had a feeling that something was terribly wrong and that I needed to speak up before it was too late. When I did, it seemed as if everyone else thought it would just work itself out. “Let’s wait awhile.” I knew that this was not a good idea. My instinct told me so. I could feel it. But the decision was not mine to make.

So we waited…until it was almost too late. Turns out, I was right and everyone else was wrong.

The night before my surgery, I lay in the hospital bed and turned inward. I needed to let my instinct speak to me. I was scared, and I asked the night nurse if it was natural to be nervous before surgery. She said yes, but I was skeptical. After she left the room, I tried to silence the words of fear in my head so I could hear my instinct speak to me. It took forever to quiet my mind, but finally, I thought I could hear something. It was faint at first, but yes, it was there. Very softly it said, “Don’t worry, Susan. I am here and everything is going to be alright.”

Afterwards, I was a different person.

I knew it in my bones.

Was it just me?

Did everyone else know it too?

I was so alone... where were my friends?

I felt as if I more mature than my years. I was. You can’t go through something like I had and not be, if not wiser. My only saving grace was the fact that I enjoyed my solitude. I did what I wanted to do, and continued to feed my instinct. Books, music, television, movies and any other cultural things I could get my hands on. The teaching continued.

As I got older I tested the waters and learned. Sometimes my instinct was so accurate it was scary. Other times…well…I did not know what to think. So I just stopped, listened and waited for the next moment.

Was I going crazy? No, I was just becoming more aware of everything around me. All of my senses were in heightened awareness. I was listening and acting on my instinct. It felt good, but I seemed to be battling with everyone. These battles were ugly and trying mine and everyone else’s patience.

Stronger and louder it got and I knew there was no turning back now. I had to let go, give in completely and follow my instinct. The explosion was so intense…I felt myself being thrown into the air and landing hard on the ground. I was not sure that I would ever be able to stand again. The one thing I did know was that after the dust settled, after all the fighting and struggles were over, I had finally learned to listen to my instinct, my inner guide and be in tune with everything around me.

Today, I bare some pretty big scars, both emotional and physical. But I know when to walk away from something. I know when something is going to be bad and I know when I am on the right track; all because I learned to listen to my instinct. This magical part of me has not died. It is very much alive and still guiding me.