Knowing that I may not be totally fulfilled with my current "day" situation, the bottom line is that I need to stay with it, despite the daily obstacles, until I can get my responsibilities under control. Hopefully it won't take me very long, but you never know, because life has a way of throwing you a curve ball when you least expect it.
Which leads me to the rest of my life. As I stated in an earlier post, 2012 was going to be the year of Susan. It still is, but I've learned that I can't do it all. The original goals I made for myself this year are simply unrealistic considering what I wanted as the outcome. It almost pains me to say this, but I over-estimated what I thought I was capable of doing. You'd think I would have learned from my previous mistakes! The good news this is that I recognized early enough in order to perform a bit of damage control.
I know that I have a tendency to want and do everything all the time, but realize that I don't have "all the time" in the world available to me. Then I feel guilty because in some twisted way I feel as if I have let everybody down, including myself. But, I am only human and there is only 24 hours in a day. Eight hours are spent sleeping, 10.5 hours for work including prep time and travel, an hour for household chores, 2.5 hours for dinner and socializing with the husband, an hour of personal time, which leaves about 2 hours for writing and reading. So, where does that leave me? Majorly frustrated and pi$$ed off with myself.
Well, I will still continue to write and participate in the various challenges with the writing groups I participate it, I just need to scale it back. I will read others posting and comment as I am able. My personal projects are being scaled down to a more manageable tasks and everything else will get done when it gets done.
The first really big change is my book club. I am so proud of my accomplishment from last year, but it was a grueling schedule, especially to get all the reviews posted. With everything that I want to do this year, I know that I will not be able to read 52 books in 52 weeks. I have so many other things that I want to accomplish this year, that I don't have the time to devote to reading that much. With that in mind, I am reducing the number of books I plan to read, but will continue on the path that I've chosen to publish the reviews in as many locations as possible.
One of the biggest things I want to accomplish this year is to improve my overall health. We purchased a park pass so my husband and I can get out more and explore Sonoma County, CA; this beautiful area we call home. We have lived here for a long time and there are areas of the county we have never been to so this will be the year to do that. I hope to be able to share photos from our adventures. In the meantime, I will be posting photos from previous ones until we start getting out there and using our cameras.
The bottom line is that I need to stop setting these unrealistic expectations for myself. My intentions are well-meaning, but the overall consequences are not. Really all it does is create unwanted stress and anxiety for myself. So if I have been a little absent lately or if I happen to go MIA, have no fear. It just means I am off on an adventure or working on a project and I will be back soon to share it with all of you!
Thanks for your patience and understanding of this incredibly long blog post. And now, here is a photo I took during our recent trip to Fort Bragg, CA. This is at Glass Beach.
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| Glass Beach, Ft. Bragg, CA |
Susan, reassessing and reevaluating is the name of the game. You make a plan and then now and again you stop and look it over, working? Cool. Not working? Make a change or 8. I think you're on the right path. Prioritize and find YOUR program.
ReplyDelete♥ A blog is never long if it's a good read. This was not long.
What a neat picture. Where does the glass come from?
ReplyDeleteGood luck with your park pass and your new plan. When my daughter decided to go full time freelance, I told her to get a gym membership, because the most dangerous thing for writers, besides paper cuts, is inactivity.
Looking forward to your future posts.
Well yes, we sometimes are the worst critic of ourselves!
ReplyDeleteSusan--I find myself a lot like you. I have all these goals I want to meet--but there are only so many hours in the day. If I try to keep up with everything--I compromise my health.
ReplyDeleteI sat down and prioritized my goals. My health is absolutely the first and foremost goal on my list-without it-the rest doesn't matter. Then I had to pick and choose which goals I wanted to accomplish more than others--and go with it. I might be battling for wonder-woman status--but I'm not God and I don't want to be.
Take care of you. Take things one step at a time. No worries, No hurries-- my new motto.
((HUGS))
Jenn
why would it "almost pain you" to admit you are not capable of the over-bearing and ridiculous goals we all set for ourselves at some point in our lives? It sounds to me from reading your post that you are in alot of pain. Un-admitted pain. Un-treated pain. To be human means to accept your physical limitations so you can always exceed them instead of constantly submitting to the monsters roaming about in your head telling you that you aren't good enough, or are lazy, or need to have more for yourself. How about having just enough and enjoying life instead of running from one project to another? Sit down dear, take a deep breath and do NOTHING one day a week. Nothing. Not cook, not clean, not even look at a book, nothing. Look out the window, sit on the deck, talk to the birds. Ensure your hubby also has one day a week to do this. Look out the window and watch the world go by. For if you do not, it will surely pass by un-noticed by you and the loss is yours and yours alone for the world does not fidget and fret because it is not exceeding it's unrealistic goals; the world just IS. Try to just be, live, don't set parameters for life, just live. Surely one day a week is not too much to ask, to stop running yourself ragged and just be.
ReplyDeleteDear Anonymous,
DeleteThank you for stopping by. What you have to say makes sense. That's really what this whole post was all about anyway. Taking the time to stop. I've been on this ridiculous rollercoaster ride they call life for a very long time and I've rarely taken a moment to just stop.
I know that I am just human. It wasn't always what was in my head telling me I wasn't good enough, I've had numerous people tell me that to my face. You get slapped with that in the face enough, you start to believe it.
I've left all those people behind, because I have everything that I want now. I do what I do because I love it, not for the sake of a goal or just getting things done.
It may have taken a long time to figure that out, and I don't regret anything. I just wish I didn't have to take the beating I did in order to get here. But this girl has taken a lickin' and she is still tickin'.
Believe me, I am doing exactly what you suggested. It may not be a whole day, but there are moments when doing "NOTHING" is absolute bliss. And for the first time in my life, I am doing just what you said...live.
I wish I knew who you were Anonymous. Maybe you are just a phantom visitor, but the words you left behind were very powerful. You shouldn't be afraid to show your face. You have a very insightful gift.
Respectfully,
Susan, Today's Working Woman