"Whether you fear it or not, true disappointment will come. But with disappointment comes clarity, conviction and true originality." – Conan O’Brien
Is he sure? It sure didn’t feel like it at the time…
The last several years have certainly brought enough disappointments in my life – failed career, the inability to have children, and the permanent cutting off of all communication with the one person who knew me the best. All bitter disappointments.
With the setting sun of each day, I had hoped for a better tomorrow. It never came. There was no sunshine, just a whole lot of rain. I watched as life passed me by and everyone around me garnering more than they deserved. I continually felt a mounting resentment boiling beneath the surface. The toxins churning within the depths of my soul threatened to erupt releasing years of pent-up frustrations and anger towards everyone and everything that held me back.
And then it happened…
And now it’s over…
And I feel such relief…
Time has passed, the tears spent, and I have put a little distance between those painful events and now. Why do I see with more clarity than ever before? Because somehow, I finally found the courage to let go, and when it happened, I was able to peel away the dry, cracked, and weary layers that were hiding the true identity of who I really am.
I no longer feel like I need to be identified by a job, whether or not I have children or the number of friends that I have. I am tired; my heart feels a little less heavy. There is a brighter tomorrow after all, but I must rest first.
What have I learned? My “lost years” don’t feel so lost anymore, but rather they were part of the journey to get to here. Despite continued moments of sadness and feeling afraid, I am discovering more about myself every day. With the support of new friends, I am revealing parts of myself in the hopes that someone else will know that they are not alone.
I no longer feel like I have to be the one to fix everything because my new found “clarity” has shown me that it is not about having all the solutions. I just need to trust in myself and the rest, well…the rest will take care of itself. The sun is coming out and the rain has gone.
Most importantly, when I look at the person who I have become, I see that I am unmistakably a one-of-a-kind original.
I guess Conan was right after all.
***I have written this piece for a group on Facebook that I joined, GBE 2: Blog On. This is week #21 and the topic is Clarity. Interested in more...click on the picture below to take you there.